Listen, any lawyer who tells you that being a lawyer is amazing or fun or even satisfying is full of BS. Lawyers suck. Ever ask a lawyer a question. The answer is always, “It depends.” In fact, I once saw an ad for a “Magic 8-ball for lawyers.” All of the answers were “It depends.” It’s true. We really can’t give you a straight answer. There is a reason for that.
The first day of medical school, the future MDs are given a lab coat and told that they will someday save the world. The first day of law school, future lawyers are put on the spot to answer questions and called idiots if they didn’t do the reading. Yeah, we were supposed to read a few hundred pages before classes started. Law school is brutal. In fact, the administrators at law schools are downright evil. Most of them are law school graduates who failed the bar or couldn’t get real jobs.
When you get a real job, it is usually for less pay than you expected, barely enough to pay for a decent place to live, a car, and your student loans, which are probably over $100,000. You are stressed out all of the time and completely freaked out by the fact that people are handing you case files to work on and expecting that you know what you are doing. After all, law school teaches you very little about the practice of law. It’s all theory and reading 100-year-old cases. The law professors either never practiced law or hadn’t practiced law in so long that they wouldn’t know what to do if you gave them a detailed memo.
Then a client calls and asks the 20-something year old you, who just passed the bar for guidance on: whether or not they should get a divorce; or, what to do after their car accident; or, how to help their child who is being bullied in school; or, how to plan their estate; or, any number of other positive and negative things. And let me tell you, as a young lawyer, the first thing that pops into your head is “How the fuck do I know?” You can’t actually say that. Instead, you say, “It depends. Let me get more information, do some research, and I’ll get back to you.”
After doing this for 20 years, I know the answer, probably before you finish asking the question. But, I’m probably still going to give you a blah answer and get back to you. Or, you will get some kind of long-winded nonsense that will make you think about what you want for dinner and ignore half of what I tell you. You are doing it right now; maybe you even stopped reading this.
Despite the fact that lawyers don’t give straight answers, or may seem cocky, arrogant, or generally annoying, you need one to review any contract that you are going to sign. Trust me on this. Or don’t, but still hire a lawyer and let them review the contract.
Think about a record label. They have a team of in-house lawyers making up their contracts. They probably also have a team of outside lawyers reviewing their contracts or writing more provisions for their contracts. These contracts might be 20 pages long (or more). It’s written in a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo that most lawyers barely understand.
If someone presents you with a document to sign, then 100% of the time that document will be favorable to them. Not you. In music and entertainment contracts there are tons of what we call boilerplate provisions. These are standard provisions that go into every contract and most of those provisions don’t get modified – even if you have a lawyer. Think about those agreements they make you sign when you rent a car – no one is standing at the Avis counter negotiating the terms (trust me I’ve tried).
The provisions that you can modify have already been written to favor the other person (or company). You don’t know what needs to be changed or how to ask for that change – but a lawyer does. That’s what they learned that first year in law school when they were brutalized by their professors. That’s also what they have been doing their entire career – reading and negotiating the terms of a contract (or deal). In other words, you know your art, writing, music, etc. Lawyers know contracts. You do you and your your lawyer lawyer.
Whether you hire me or another lawyer, you need to make sure you do the following when you are hiring a lawyer to review a contract:
- Send the lawyer the contract prior to the first meeting.
- Offer to pay for the lawyer to review the contract prior to the first meeting.
- Write down any questions that you have about the contract and preferably email them to the lawyer – you guessed it – prior to the first meeting.
- During the meeting with the lawyer explain what your goals are.
- Make notes about what the lawyer tells you. Or, ask the lawyer to email you notes after the meeting.
I get it, lawyers can be expensive and they live in a different world than artists. But we are here to help. You have spent your time honing your art – so have we. Hopefully, this blog will have given you a bit of insight into how to best deal with us.
